Conversations have rules

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The art of making conversation certainly has rules guiding it. How you talk on the telephone or in the company of another person, at a business meeting, a party, to a friend, neighbour, or when at home with family is important. You just must converse well. How?

Begin with a cordial question

Be the first to ask a pleasant question, including, ‘how’s your day going?’ ‘What’s new in your world?’ or a question that gets the other person to answer with more than a yes or no. If the other person happens to ask a question first, answer it, but then ask a question in return.

Converse in equal time slots

According to www.ehow.com conversations are not meant to be one sided, where one person talks while the other person listens. There is a delicate balance between how much talking one person should do over the other. It should be relatively equal. If you are not hearing a balance in your conversations, something is wrong.

Let people be interested in what you are saying

Learn what interests other people before talking. Be sensitive to whether the person is truly listening and engaged in what you are saying.  Be aware, if you notice the person breaking eye contact, shuffling their feet, yawning, or nodding or saying words that don’t sound genuine, you may be boring them to death.

Care about answers

A great conversationalist strives to achieve an evenly balanced conversation where all parties have opportunities to ask questions, answer questions, and then also to respond to answers.

Recap conversations

 Train yourself to recap and debrief conversations. Do it the moment you hang up the telephone or leave the person. Ask yourself:  Was the conversation a pleasant experience for me? Did it appear to end well on both sides? Overall, did I enhance the life and my friendship with the other person in a meaningful way?

Respect people’s time

Especially when calling or entering someone’s office during business hours, ask the person if it is a good time to talk before getting into the point of the conversation.

Show appreciation

 End conversations with cordial, uplifting words and phrases, such as:  ‘Great speaking with you,’ ‘Thank you for your time’ and ‘I enjoyed our chat.’

Do not take over other people’s conversations

Don’t interrupt or override another person when he or she is speaking. Practice being a good listener, and talk when it’s your turn.

Speak politely

 Keep the volume of your voice as low as possible while still allowing people to hear you, and don’t use slang or filler words (such as “like,” “uh,” “so…” and so on).

Tailor the conversation to the listener

 It’s easy to say, “Don’t talk politics, sex, or religion.” But a much better rule is simply to tailor your conversation topics to those you are conversing with. Talking about politics, religion, and sex with new acquaintances can be awkward.

Take your turn

A conversation is a group project. If you notice that you have talked for a few minutes without any questions, comments, or general signs of life from other people, cede the floor to someone else.

Think before you speak

 Most foot-in-mouth moments occur because of a failure to think before speaking. To avoid offending, don’t throw out statements laden with value-judgments.

Don’t talk to only one person when conversing in a group

This leaves the others dangling and awkward on the periphery. This is not simply a matter of whom you are physically conversing with. Bring up topics on which everyone can contribute.